Until three years ago, I had never considered Asperger's Syndrome. I do remember reading a parenting article about Asperger's years ago, and wondering about my then four year old son Tristan, who frequently covered his ears if he felt embarrassed or if the noises around him, especially the wind, distressed him. I will admit that I continued to wonder as he steadfastly refused to touch any of our pets or his siblings, but he made friends and seemed happy at school, so my worry for him slipped away. Then, at age 9, he started pacing, crawling under his desk at school, and he became increasingly isolated as he could no longer keep up with the interests of his friends. A specialist diagnosed him with Asperger's that year, and our family began a journey that profoundly changed my perceptions concerning myself, my husband, and our boys. I believe that all six of us have Asperger's. Sometimes our house is crazy wonderful; more often though, just crazy.
My own childhood jolted back and forth from happy to distressing. Luckily for me, I had loving, stable parents, who provided a steady backdrop for my internal drama. Despite persistent diagnoses of emotional immaturity, no one ever reached beyond that to the actual problem. I made friends and lost them. I spent a great deal of time alone reading and playing elaborate imaginary games. By high school, I realized that for some reason, I had a ghost-like invisibility. I never attended a dance or went on a date. I did find college somewhat liberating because I began to make friends, usually people on the fringes like me, and in my senior year, I met my husband.
I met Archie, a self-proclaimed hermit living with his dad, who made a living caning antique chairs, through a mutual friend, when I needed a place in Austin to stay in order to attend a film festival for one of my classes. I had never believed in love at first sight, but a month later, he came with me when I graduated and moved back home to Wyoming. We married a month after that. Putting two people together when both struggle to read emotions and need large quantities of personal space requires great love and communication, and yet, 16 years later, I know that we are perfect for each other.
I did not realize the likelihood that both Archie and I might have Asperger's until I began reading after Tristan was diagnosed. And I do not ask myself if we would have chosen to have five children together either because to me that question does not even matter now. We do have five children: four boys and one girl. We have had two of our boys diagnosed so far, and I know that our other two boys have Asperger's as well. The combination of Asperger's and giftedness in my four boys has manifested itself in unique and challenging ways, and I do have moments when I would love to escape my house for an extended vacation. Yet for me, marriage and motherhood stretched my emotions and touched my soul in ways that I never could have imagined. My children have been the making of me.
